“Me, Myself, and ADHD”
The ADHD side effects of poor social skills, worse self-esteem, and purely awful relationship skills make me want to run and hide.
This year, I decided to spend Chinese New Year on my own catching up and writing. For weeks before this mega holiday, I’d been packing my calendar with errands and busywork to avoid the pain of getting together with people — more specifically, relatives. Family time, lately, does little more than remind me of what I lack and where I am lacking.
To be honest, I’m burned out by people in general — and it just doesn’t feel worthwhile to try getting close anymore. Every time I drop the barriers, I just get hurt and burned.
Add to those antisocial feelings the winter blues, which have smacked me in the face with five extra pounds creeping up and a continued craving for sugar and chocolate. Queue the New Year’s champagne and roaring fireplaces here in frigid Hong Kong, where heaters are non-existent, and you’ve got one cold, lonely woman with ADHD.
Flying back and forth from Gotham to Hong Kong during the holidays really also rocked me off the swimming schedule, and I’m cranky. So cranky that I flipped out on the swimming folks. Okay, to be fair about this, they really lack swimming etiquette and have a tendency to swim on top of others.
I have a new hobby; Taking photos of myself and comparing the me of today with the me of last year. I seem paler, more haggard and did I lose a bit of sparkle in the smile? Shit. How do I regain that? Or is it just all downhill from here?
New Year’s resolution season brings a lot of stress, once again there is the risk of unfulfilled promises. Maybe it’s the lack of sex and a boyfriend, but why would anyone want to be with someone who is mostly cranky?
I think I should join Weight Watchers or get an attitude transplant. How much do those cost?
Should I budget that in to this year’s budget? Seriously, I’ve been trying to find a new shrink since the last one returned to the U.S. I’ve emailed the shrink center already and asked them to please find me a new shrink pretty please. In the meantime, I’ve been slowly and surely plotting how to return to the U.S.
I’m tired of this adventure, I want out. But where to go? You take yourself with you, no matter where you hide.