janag

My Forum Comments

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • in reply to: So much pain #102707

    janag
    Participant

    Hi Tom,

    Can you please elaborate on how your ADHD demonstrate in your everyday life and your relationship?

    For instance I know, it takes a very strong and stable individual to be with me – my gorgeous and amazing husband.

    He tells me, he doesn’t know how to handle me at times and I am fully aware of it.

    If I had a husband who is emotionally unstable, to be fair, I don’t think we would last long.

    Boy, when my depressive mood hits me and it hits hard, I can be quite a handful, to say the least.

    As many of you know, when you feel your emotions DEEPLY and INTENSELY, there is no rationalising it.

    When you are hurting, you will say or do anything, to make a pain go away.

    In a process, your spouse gets caught up right in the middle.

    Perhaps it is difficult to differentiate when your ADHD is speaking and when it is really you.

    I normally tell my husband I had a BPD moment and it was NOT me speaking with him…

  • in reply to: Handling emotions #102706

    janag
    Participant

    Feeling emotions DEEPLY & INTENSIVELY have always been an ENORMOUS burden of mine that I have to carry ( BPD).

    Throughout the years, I have learnt the hard way. In a society, emotional outbursts and instability and thus your vulnarability is NOT appreciated and will be frown upon.

    Just like Kendall above mentioned, I have also learnt to effectively hide my emotions, even though the INTENSITY remains.

    I would suggest you to seek a medical help AND start journaling.

    For me personally, it offered an INVALUABLE insight into what is going on inside of my mind when my emotions are RUNNING HIGH, I feel OVERWHELMED and I could’t RATIONALISE.

    I was able to look back with a cold head and say WOW, this what happened to me a month ago?

    Did I really say that to my partner?
    Was I really contemplating to leave a school, uni over one small setback?

    Your notes and observations will furthermore quicken the process of a diagnosis.

  • in reply to: I’ve told lies. #102705

    janag
    Participant

    I used to repeatedly tell lies that made NO sense whatsoever.

    Partly because I did not know who I was as a person, how I should behave and what should I say.
    Partly, because I wanted to impress people.

    Example: What did your mum cook today?
    Oh, just braised beef in red wine with shallots,carrots and with roast potatoes ( a complete lie!)

    WHEREAS, my mum cooked some vegetable stew ONLY.

  • in reply to: I’ve lost hope, will and desire to go on and keep trying #101983

    janag
    Participant

    Hello there,

    From what you have written, it sounds like you have always been a receptive and sensitive child with a very rich inner world, with all the scenarios going in your head, perhaps overthinking things a little?

    Well there is a silver lining to every cloud and yours is that you have been finally diagnosed with ADHD and all of sudden, the things were started to make a perfect sense.

    All the day dreaming, constantly forgetting things, starting and not finishing things, perhaps stress and anxiety associated with learning new things and skills, right?

    As far as my story was concerned, I only found out about 3 weeks ago through a You Tube video and the guy was describing my life story. I was literally jumping for joy that a host of symptoms I have been experiencing whole my life could be clustered together and it has a name!

    All of sudden, I was NOT a crazy person and the most importantly, I was not alone !!!!
    Knowing that there are thousands of people going through similar struggles provided me a strange comfort.

    On the other hand, I am NOT a big medications fan.
    10 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and was given various medications. They did not help with my condition, they made me like a zombie and I could still feel emotional pain, despair and fears I had prior to medications.

    I have always been very intuitive about my other disorders, like BPD and social anxiety ( which I now have completely healed – medication free ). I figure, that the plaster over a massive emotional wound won’t do it. I tried to figure WHAT makes me so depressed and anxious and how can I heal without covering the root problem.

    EXAMPLE:

    I figured, that I was very fearful of people and felt very easily intimidated – and I would not confront them. So, I started reasonably confront people when was required and I started to feel better about myself, more confident, because I established the boundaries.

    Coming to the point, with my ADHD, I always got so stressed out and frustrated when learning new things, that I would very frequently try to relieve the stress by the way of escapism: playing the music, browsing the internet or going on Facebook.

    I have always been a person who got so easily bored, I would try to entertain myself ALL the time. I would set to swat for an exam in the morning and then I would get carried away after 10 minutes and then ended up binge watching the movies, for the rest of the afternoon.

    This was my form of ” escapism ” so to speak. So I figure, I need a structure in my life.

    EXAMPLE:

    I would not allow myself to check the phone for next 8 hours, when studying or working, because I was only looking for next thing to entertain me.

    ADHDs generally lack structure and organisation and this HAS to be introduced into our lives.

    I have always thought that I suffer of learning disability of some sort.
    But because our minds are so all over the place, it is not a disability, but rather distraction as our mind is in 10 different places at the same time!

    As for you:

    Do you think you could undergo a therapy sessions with your therapist, rather than medicate? Perhaps, it would be useful to establish where your ADHD come from, what is a root of a problem?

    Mine was the lack of a structure when I was growing up.
    Our home had been always very chaotic, with mother, father & grandma constantly arguing, shouting.

    I grew up in a messy home and we kids would have NO structure and routine whatsoever.
    As a child, I found it very difficult to follow a rigid structure of school environment with so many different classes and demands – I found it very overwhelming and emotionally draining.

    By the time, I was attending a secondary school, I was a nervous wreck and was experiencing severe permanence related anxiety and depression.

    I was failing to keep up with classes and was struggling to pay attention. I didn’t get along with my classmates and was labelled as the most disorganised person on the planet by teachers and students alike.

    By the time I came out of secondary school, not only did I acquire zero social skills ( as I was shunned for being ugly and stupid, so I would not talk to anyone ) but had ( what I thought ) a massive learning disability, that would set me off for the life of failure.

    I would also highly suggest journaling and thus ” decluttering ” your day before you go to bed. It had a massive impact on my ADHD. Going through a day and assessing your day is one of the best thing I have ever done.

    Example from my personal diary:

    The first thing you have done when you woke up is going to Facebook.
    This is not acceptable a you lost half an hour in the morning!

    Well done for reading a book for an entire hour without attempting to entertain yourself ( food, Wassup, doing nails, etc…)

    I hope that some of it will make sense to you!

  • in reply to: I’ve lost hope, will and desire to go on and keep trying #102704

    janag
    Participant

    Feeling excessively blessed to find this forum where we can relate to each other without prejudice and judgement.
    I have never heard of sensitive dysphoria, yet when I googled it – all my emotional outbursts, breakdowns, meltdowns that I experienced during elementary, secondary school, college, university and even in social settings made all of sudden perfect sense in a sense of ADHD, sensitive dysphoria and the most importantly the element of rejection.

    As far as I am concerned, the school settings have been always where ADHD would be rearing its ugly head and I would always go into full fledged anxiety.

    I am studying my accounting qualification and recently I haven’t passed one of the exams.
    i felt so depressed, defeated and discouraged that I was intending to pack up my staff, leave my husband and run far, far away.

    Deep, intense, and persisting emotional pain that we sometimes experience is so hard to explain to ” healthy ” people. For instance, my husband is a picture of emotional stability, strength and endurance. He finds it very difficult to relate to my mood swings and emotional outbursts…

  • in reply to: I’ve lost hope, will and desire to go on and keep trying #102703

    janag
    Participant

    I have never heard of a book, I will definitely give it a go x

  • in reply to: I’ve lost hope, will and desire to go on and keep trying #102205

    janag
    Participant

    Hey Sara,

    Just hang in there.
    I feel like many ADHDs are prone to suffering of BPD.
    When you have BPD, you only see things black and white.

    Please don’t be too hard on yourself.
    People with ADHD have it considerably more difficult to learn new things.

    Also, this might be your case, I would always get very emotional because of my grades.
    You might not have been able to say anything nice about yourself at the moment of writing, but once your emotions have returned to a baseline, you will be able to see clearly again.

    Please keep me posted about the result of your test.

    Love,

    Jana

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)