Three Track Mind to One? Ritalin long-term impact.

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  CrowTRobot 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #113402

    CrowTRobot
    Participant

    I had recently been describing the chaos of my mind by saying that it always had three tracks of thoughts running simultaneously, overlapping and superseding each other at various turns. Yeah, it’s chaotic, but it’s been the way I think for 40 years, so I’m used to it. It’s my mind. And I always kind of feared that medications might take that away from me. When I was diagnosed at 18, the neurologist put me on Paxil for impulse-control, which has helped. But I haven’t used anything else, like stimulants. I have memory and motivation issues that I just learned to live with, until my counselor urged me to try Ritalin. I trust her, so I did it and tried it. The most noticeable thing was that my three-track mind was now a one-track mind. There were no competing ideas fighting for my attention.

    During the 30 day supply, my insurance switched and I couldn’t afford the copay to visit the physician I was seeing for the Ritalin and she wouldn’t refill without the appointment. I expected my mind to return to three tracks, but it didn’t. That was maybe six months ago. I’m still on a one-track mind.

    I miss my three-track mind. It was exhilarating and I felt like so many of my most random, hilarious, unexpected thoughts and ideas came from that chaos. I was hoping I could go back to that way of thinking and decide whether Ritalin was worth it, but now it seems I don’t have a chance.

    Has anyone else experienced this shift in thinking that goes on beyond treatment?

  • #113727

    Getittogethergirl
    Participant

    I can actually tell when my meds wear off because my “3 track mind” comes back. I have been on adderall though.

    • #113730

      CrowTRobot
      Participant

      Do you ever miss the three-track mind when you’re not on it? I can definitely see wanting to rein it in at work or school, but what about when you’re just relaxing on the weekend?

  • #113731

    Getittogethergirl
    Participant

    I guess I feel like I cannot even remotely relax with a three track mind as I am constantly running through overlapping thoughts that get so jumbled I can’t complete anything. The first time I took adderall, I sat down in a chair and JUST sat without my thoughts pulling me in every direction. I wanted to cry because I realized I had never felt relaxed in my whole life until that moment. I have been fortunate to feel mostly positive about my ADHD traits before I knew what it was and it sounds like you have a great positivity about them too, but I feel like all those brilliant (if I do say so myself) ideas generated by my three track mind would disappear like puffs of smoke. On medication I can sort through the ideas and grab hold of them until they turn into realities. I don’t have to feel constantly disappointed that my “dreams” or ideas never take shape. And the best part is that the ideas are still there, they just are easier to hear on meds. But, I say, do what makes you feel like your best self. If that is to have a 3 track brain, then I hope you find it once more.

    • #113944

      CrowTRobot
      Participant

      Wow. You really put it in a fascinating perspective. As with you, I’ve had millions of “brilliant” ideas that I forgot to write down and therefore can never recall or recreate.

      I also found that in the 30 days (or so) I took Ritalin, that I didn’t have any shortage of ideas, which was actually my biggest fear. It was more like I had been working as a floor trader for 40 years and suddenly I was retired with nothing to do. Like, yeah, I can finally relax, but I missed the unrelenting chaos and its crashing ideas.

      If I can get back on a better insurance plan, I hope to find a good psychologist to work with on this. Since I’m already on a one-track mind, I may as well optimize my executive functions while I’m at it.

      Thanks for your insight.

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