Ask the Experts

Q: Isn’t My Son Just Being Lazy?

Can your son play Fortnite for hours but can’t focus long enough to do a homework assignment? Laziness isn’t necessarily to blame; learn what’s actually going on inside your ADHD son’s brain and how to change your parenting approach accordingly.

Q: “I know my son can do his schoolwork and chores; he just chooses not to do them because he is lazy. I was just like him when I was younger and my father never would have tolerated this behavior from me.”

A: “Try to get the word lazy out of your vocabulary. If your son is refusing to do something, it’s not because he’s trying to upset you…. No kid wakes up and says, ‘I think today’s the day I will piss my dad off.’ It’s because he lacks the skills and resiliency to get through non-preferred tasks… ADHD is not an excuse. It is a description of your son’s brain and how it is developmentally behind is certain areas. Please keep in mind this has nothing to do with intelligence.”


Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW is the facilitator of the ADHD Dude Facebook Group and YouTube channel. Ryan specializes in working with males (ages 5-22) who present with ADHD, anxiety with ADHD, and learning differences; he is the one professional in the United States who specializes in teaching social cognitive skills to boys from a male perspective.

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  1. I am an adult who has had ADHD classic symptoms as long as I can remember. I remembering being lectured and yelled at and grounded and being told that I was “not working hard enough” or that I was just “selfish and lazy.” When I was finally diagnosed I was 22 and by then the shame and low self esteem was set in deep. It resulted in major eating disorder and drug rehab by age 25. I remember a boss telling me that sometimes I was so forgetful and was just not together and he thought that was when I was doing drugs. I didn’t want to tell him those were the days I wasn’t. To me, getting angry at your kid for his adhd symptoms is like getting angry at someone who has allergies every time they sneeze. It won’t Motivate thier allergies to be go away. It won’t discourage them from sneezing. It just makes them feel horrible about themselves everytime they sneeze. That..to me is just kinda cruel. My parents still think that my inability to stay organized is a intentional way I use to puss them off. Sad huh?parents

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