Typical ADHD Behaviors

Uncomfortable Truths About the ADHD Nervous System

Easily bored, sensitive to distractions, creative and intense. If you grew up with ADHD, chances are you always felt “different.” Now here’s a scientific explanation, finally, of why we act the way we do.

Discovering truths about ADHD

What I have come to understand — something that people with ADHD know from an early age — is that, if you have an ADHD nervous system, you might as well have been born on a different planet.

Most people with ADHD have always known they are different. They were told by parents, teachers, employers, spouses, and friends that they did not fit the common mold and that they had better shape up in a hurry if they wanted to make something of themselves.

As if they were immigrants, they were told to assimilate into the dominant culture and become like everyone else. Unfortunately, no one told them how to do this. No one revealed the bigger secret: It couldn’t be done, no matter how hard they tried. The only outcome would be failure, made worse by the accusation that they will never succeed because ADHD in adults means they don’t try hard enough or long enough.

It seems odd to call a condition a disorder when the condition comes with so many positive features. People with an ADHD-style nervous system tend to be great problem-solvers. They wade into problems that have stumped everyone else and jump to the answer. They are affable, likable people with a sense of humor. They have what Paul Wender called “relentless determination.” When they get hooked on a challenge, they tackle it with one approach after another until they master the problem — and they may lose interest entirely when it is no longer a challenge.

If I could name the qualities that would assure a person’s success in life, I would say being bright, being creative with that intelligence, and being well-liked. I would also choose hardworking and diligent. I would want many of the traits that people with ADHD possess.

[Self-Test: Could You Have ADHD?]

The main obstacle to understanding and managing ADHD has been the unstated and incorrect assumption that individuals with ADHD could and should be like the rest of us. For neurotypicals and adults with ADHD alike, here is a detailed portrait of why those with attention deficit do what they do.

Why We Don’t Function Well in a Linear World

The ADHD world is curvilinear. Past, present, and future are never separate and distinct. Everything is now. People with ADHD live in a permanent present and have a hard time learning from the past or looking into the future to see the inescapable consequences of their actions. “Acting without thinking” is the definition of impulsivity, and one of the reasons that individuals with ADHD have trouble learning from experience.

It also means that people with ADHD aren’t good at ordination — planning and doing parts of a task in order. Tasks in the neurotypical world have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Individuals with ADHD don’t know where and how to start, since they can’t find the beginning. They jump into the middle of a task and work in all directions at once. Organization becomes an unsustainable task because organizational systems work on linearity, importance, and time.

Why We Are Overwhelmed

People in the ADHD world experience life more intensely, more passionately than neurotypicals. They have a low threshold for outside sensory experience because the day-to-day experience of their five senses and their thoughts is always on high volume. The ADHD nervous system is overwhelmed by life experiences because its intensity is so high.

The ADHD nervous system is rarely at rest. It wants to be engaged in something interesting and challenging. Attention is never “deficit.” It is always excessive, constantly occupied with internal reveries and engagements. When people with ADHD are not in The Zone, in hyperfocus, they have four or five things rattling around in their minds, all at once and for no obvious reason, like five people talking to you simultaneously. Nothing gets sustained, undivided attention. Nothing gets done well.

[Free Download: Secrets of the ADHD Brain]

Many people with ADHD can’t screen out sensory input. Sometimes this is related to only one sensory realm, such as hearing. In fact, the phenomenon is called hyperacusis (amplified hearing), even when the disruption comes from another of the five senses. Here are some examples:

  • The slightest sound in the house prevents falling asleep and overwhelms the ability to disregard it.
  • Any movement, no matter how small, is distracting.
  • Certain smells, which others barely notice, cause people with ADHD to leave the room.

Individuals with ADHD have their worlds constantly disrupted by experiences of which the neurotypical is unaware. This disruption enforces the perception of the ADHD person as being odd, prickly, demanding, and high-maintenance. But this is all that people with ADHD have ever known. It is their normal. The notion of being different, and that difference being perceived as unacceptable by others, is made a part of how they are regarded. It is a part of their identity.

Sometimes, a person with ADHD can hit the do-or-die deadline and produce lots of high-quality work in a short time. A whole semester of study is crammed into a single night of hyperfocused perfection. Some people with ADHD create crises to generate the adrenaline to get them engaged and functional. The “masters of disasters” handle high-intensity crises with ease, only to fall apart when things become routine again.

Lurching from crisis to crisis, however, is a tough way to live life. Occasionally, I run across people who use anger to get the adrenaline rush they need to get engaged and be productive. They resurrect resentments or slights, from years before, to motivate themselves. The price they pay for their productivity is so high that they may be seen as having personality disorders.

Why We Don’t Always Get Things Done

People with ADHD are both mystified and frustrated by the intermittent ability to be super-human when interested, and challenged and unable to start and sustain projects that are boring to them. It is not that they don’t want to accomplish things or are unable to do the task. They know they are bright and capable because they’ve proved it many times. The lifelong frustration is never to be certain that they will be able to engage when needed, when they are expected to, when others depend on them to. When people with ADHD see themselves as undependable, they begin to doubt their talents and feel the shame of being unreliable.

Mood and energy level also swing with variations of interest and challenge. When bored, unengaged, or trapped by a task, the person with ADHD is lethargic, quarrelsome, and filled with dissatisfaction.

Why Our Motors Always Run

By the time most people with ADHD are adolescents, their physical hyperactivity has been pushed inward and hidden. But it is there and it still impairs the ability to engage in the moment, listen to other people, to relax enough to fall asleep at night, and to have periods of peace.

So when the distractibility and impulsivity are brought back to normal levels by stimulant medication, a person with ADHD may not be able to make use of his becalmed state. He is still driven forward as if by a motor on the inside, hidden from the rest of the world. By adolescence, most people with ADHD-style nervous systems have acquired the social skills necessary to cover up that they are not present.

But they rarely get away with it entirely. When they tune back into what has gone on while they were lost in their thoughts, the world has moved on without them. Uh-oh. They are lost and do not know what is going on, what they missed, and what is now expected of them. Their reentry into the neurotypical world is unpleasant and disorienting. To individuals with ADHD, the external world is not as bright as the fantastic ideas they had while lost in their own thoughts.

Why Organization Eludes Us

The ADHD mind is a vast and unorganized library. It contains masses of information in snippets, but not whole books. The information exists in many forms — as articles, videos, audio clips, Internet pages — and also in forms and thoughts that no one has ever had before. But there is no card catalog, and the “books” are not organized by subject or even alphabetized.

Each person with ADHD has his or her own brain library and own way of storing that huge amount of material. No wonder the average person with ADHD cannot access the right piece of information at the moment it is needed — there is no reliable mechanism for locating it. Important items (God help us, important to someone else) have no fixed place, and might as well be invisible or missing entirely. For example:

The child with ADHD comes home and tells Mom that he has no homework to do. He watches TV or plays video games until his bedtime. Then he recalls that he has a major report due in the morning. Was the child consciously lying to the parent, or was he truly unaware of the important task?

For a person with ADHD, information and memories that are out of sight are out of mind. Her mind is a computer in RAM, with no reliable access to information on the hard drive.

Working memory is the ability to have data available in one’s mind, and to be able to manipulate that data to come up with an answer or a plan of action. The  mind of a person with ADHD is full of the minutiae of life (“Where are my keys?” “Where did I park the car?”), so there is little room left for new thoughts and memories. Something has to be discarded or forgotten to make room for new information. Often the information individuals with ADHD need is in their memory…somewhere. It is just not available on demand.

Why We Don’t See Ourselves Clearly

People from the ADHD world have little self-awareness. While they can often read other people well, it is hard for the average person with ADHD to know, from moment to moment, how they themselves are doing, the effect they are having on others, and how they feel about it all. Neurotypicals misinterpret this as being callous, narcissistic, uncaring, or socially inept. Taken together, the vulnerability of a person with ADHD to the negative feedback of others, and the lack of ability to observe oneself in the moment, make a witch’s brew.

If a person cannot see what is going on in the moment, the feedback loop by which he learns is broken. If a person does not know what is wrong or in what particular way it is wrong, she doesn’t know how to fix it. If people with ADHD don’t know what they’re doing right, they don’t do more of it. They don’t learn from experience.

The inability of the ADHD mind to discern how things are going has many implications:

> Many people with ADHD find that the feedback they get from other people is different from what they perceive. They find out, many times (and often too late), that the other people were right all along. It isn’t until something goes wrong that they are able to see and understand what was obvious to everybody else. Then, they come to believe that they can’t trust their own perceptions of what is going on. They lose self-confidence. Even if they argue it, many people with ADHD are never sure that they are right about anything.

> People with ADHD may not be able to recognize the benefits of medication, even when those benefits are obvious. If a patient sees neither the problems of ADHD nor the benefits of treatment, he finds no reason to continue treatment.

> Individuals with ADHD often see themselves as misunderstood, unappreciated, and attacked for no reason. Alienation is a common theme. Many think that only another person with ADHD could possibly “get” them.

Why We’re Time Challenged

Because people with ADHD don’t have a reliable sense of time, everything happens right now or not at all. Along with the concept of ordination (what must be done first; what must come second) there must also be the concept of time. The thing at the top of the list must be done first, and there must be time left to do the entire task.

I made the observation that 85 percent of my ADHD patients do not wear or own a watch. More than half of those who wore a watch did not use it, but wore it as jewelry or to not hurt the feelings of the person who gave it to them. For individuals with ADHD, time is a meaningless abstraction. It seems important to other people, but people with ADHD have never gotten the hang of it.

[Recommended: Why You Do What You Do and Feel How You Feel]

William Dodson, M.D., is a member of ADDitude’s ADHD Specialist Panel.

54 Related Links

  1. “Many people with ADHD find that the feedback they get from other people is different from what they perceive. They find out, many times (and often too late), that the other people were right all along. It isn’t until something goes wrong that they are able to see and understand what was obvious to everybody else. Then, they come to believe that they can’t trust their own perceptions of what is going on. They lose self-confidence. Even if they argue it, many people with ADHD are never sure that they are right about anything.”

    I just got dumped by my GF of two years because I had no idea she was miserable.
    I tend to catastrophize and over analyze my partner’s emotions and intent. I always assume the worst and my RSD kicks in.
    I just started dating again and the same problems are arising. No matter how mindful I get, I always feel like my complaints are valid, which leads me to get into an argument and only then, do I realize that I was in the wrong and I made a mountain from a molehill.
    Worse still, because of my perceived wrongness, I take the blame for my partner’s mistakes and I lessen my self-worth.

  2. Woah. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade. This article struck home hard enough to make me very emotional. There are a lot of issues and behaviors I struggle with that I didn’t realize weren’t specific to me.

  3. Hi, my son is three now. His development was completely normal till 15 months. Suddenly we started noticing signs of ADHD. He is still not interacting. When we realised it first, our world fall apart. Guilty, blame and despair. Thought our son wouldn’t be able to lead a normal life. But going through this discussion thread, these nice girls and boys seems to be completely normal to me, they have written so honestly. Then I get hope. It’s not the end of the world for our son. He still can live a normal life. Maybe things wouldn’t be as easier for him. But all of us have different personalities. And ADHD just seems to me individuals with a different personalities. Friends please help me, help my baby develop into a happy adult. I just want him to be happy in life.

    1. Hi Barsha,
      I‘m surprised that at age 3 such a diagnosis is possible. I was diagnosed at age 43.
      I wonder how different my life would have been if I had known.
      Of course you want your child to be happy, but in order to do that, -you- must accept that he will never be „normal“.
      Re-read the article, his brain is different and this will cause problems with relationships. He will be perceived as socially incompetent.
      Prepare him for being different and why he is different. We ADHDer have to work harder at what comes naturally to normals.
      It means doing things for which we have no interest or accepting that it causes alienation.
      For example, although I work in IT, I have no interest in Facebook snd my family cannot understand or accept it.
      But I‘m no longer willing to do things just because its what people do.
      All the best for you

    2. Barsha, I’m so glad you’re asking for input from people who actually live and experience ADHD. Your observations are correct, we ADHDers are perfectly capable of adjusting to society and living mostly normal lives. Your child might never feel normal, but they’ll learn the skills they need to get by and present themselves well in society. Normal is overrated. When I reflect on my life it often feels like I’ve lived 10 times the amount of life as a neurotypical person. Yes, ADHD can be hard, especially if undiagnosed and unacknowledged. I’ve just finally been diagnosed at 33 and begun treatment for the negative symptoms. I’ve had decades of depression and anxiety and even suicidality, but I would never go back and trade my brain for a normal one. In my life I’ve jumped into so many things with what normal people call passion and what ADHD calls hyperfocus. Most people only have room in a lifetime for a small handful of passions, if they’re lucky enough to have one at all. My ADHD brain has allowed me to: be an intelligence analyst in the army, achieve a high proficiency in skateboarding, develop my artistic skills and go to art school in San Fransisco, learn to play Mozart within less than a year of first touching a piano, drop out of art school to study physics and be selected to work on extra curricular projects with my professor, drop out of school completely (there’s a theme forming that I obviously didn’t fit the structure of school well, even though I could excel where interested), and instead buy a few books and teach myself programming in my own way, develop a chess AI, get hired at Amazon, learn to rock climb at an intermediate level, dive hard into strength training and participate in a powerlifting competition, get bored with that and switch to Olympic style weightlifting and compete again, learn to play fingerstyle classic guitar to the point that I can just pick it up and improvise whatever emotion I feel, and probably there’s a few more things on that list I can’t recall because recall is hard. I’m a college dropout making over 200k per year. I’ve worked at startups with less than 10 people and international corporations. I’ve led teams and mentored others. I’ve learned foreign languages, I’ve lived in mountains, deserts, urban high rises and rural townhomes. I’ve fallen madly in love, and I’ve found joy in solitude through meditation and Buddhist philosophy. If your child has ADHD, the normal path will never fit them, and if they aren’t supported that can lead them to feel isolated, disconnected, and suicidal. But if supported and loved, and with a lot of patience on your part, they will benefit from a type of brain that allows them to experience many lifetimes worth of learning, exploration, and achievement with the limited amount of years we all have in this life. ADHD is a gift and a curse. But the curse can be treated. The gift is rare and beautiful and your child has won the genetic lottery. Congratulations.

  4. Wow, this is uncannily true! Except for the part about ‘why we can’t see ourselves clearly’ I really really relate and agree with this synopsis. It’s actually quite amazing to read a description so honest and precise written by someone else, it’s a little startling. But good read it, at least someone understands. I went my whole life until 40’s till I tried stimulant drugs and they do kinda work, albeit tire me out…they help a little. I resisted for years!!
    But now that this assessment is here, what do we do now? Hard to live like this….the whole other planet thing, uh-huh. Yup. 🙁

    1. Hey you hang in there and most importantly DO NOT LOSE HOPE! There is always hope for people like us. Please try to take in what I say and stamp it to your brain and tell yourself that this is an emergency so you will remember or even better write it down and stick it to your refrigerator or tape it to your door that leads outside so you can read it every time you leave. You have a mind that is better than normal. Your mind can do sooooo many more positive things that most can not do. You are absolutely one of the most unique and amazing people that you know. It is not you that is wrong. It is everything that society has programmed into everyone’s brains that tells them that you are not normal. I do not believe that any one person hear on this Earth has any right to judge someone like us unless they are able to put themselves inside our minds and just see what it’s like for one day. No matter what, stay positive. While almost everyone else around us is stuck inside of a box that tells them what to do and how to think and what they should eat, you are still being you and still thinking of 10 different ways to save the world or how to fix the roof or how you can help that person in your own box. When I was a small child (6 I think) I was started on a regimen of Ritalin because I was told by good doctors that I had the worst case of ADHD that they had ever seen. My dad even gave me the nickname Zoomzoom. After about a week or so I faced my mom and told her I was ready to end my life. AT SIX YEARS OLD! I told her I wanted to go jump off of the Chesapeake City bridge because Ritalin had made me past depressed. So they gave me Ritalin/Wellbutrin combo and it still didn’t change much. After that it was Adderall and by this time I was so sick of taking any kind of medicine that I started hiding them. When my mom found out I was, she kind of just stopped because at that point she was sick of watching her child go through not eating,not sleeping,being a zombie,being depressed because our own minds give us happiness but most importantly I was not being me. The point is, be very very careful about what medicine you take. I thought what I was feeling was normal. Just as a side note. It mite sound crazy to some but being around honestly good people makes a world of difference and the ONLY place I have found that is at a good church. I always felt like I didn’t belong and this world is such a bad place and I had no purpose in life. I’m assuming now all that stemmed from being made fun of almost every day because I was different. All that changed for me 5 years ago when I found a good church and God. Genuinely good people that are patient, understanding and will hopefully help. Stay strong and positive because I promise you there are others out there just like you and you are one of the ONLY ones who understands them and maybe you can help them someday. Even if it’s only to say “I understand”.

  5. Honestly, I find most bits of this article very relatable & others really not. For me, I think I have reasonably good self-awareness, even if I can be impulsive at times. I never thought this was a specific of ADHD. I know many others with ADHD & none lack self-awareness. I suppose those who are untreated, such as my grandma, but I feel that her untreated ADHD-tendencies just kind of led to other disorders, which account for her life-long low self-awareness. Maybe in teens, but don’t most teens lack self-awareness anyway?
    I am most strongly perplexed that by the idea that somehow stimulant-based drugs induce a sense of calm, & the ADHD brain doesn’t know what to do with that calm.
    ADHD causes a sense of exhaustion in me, like a heavy weight of inability-to-focus, which causes a sort of nervous exhaustion. I’ve never once felt calmed by my medication, except that the nervous exhaustion is gone, & the ability to focus reduces anxiety about the consequences of inattention. I can’t imagine feeling LESS creative or less useful on medication. It’s like a beautiful moment, when you get your medicine (as I did at age 18), & suddenly you’re able to use the advantages of your ADHD brain—like your ability to notice & react to things on multiple levels—rather than fight against the negative effects. With medicine, I am an organizational maverick, able to anticipate & plan for those moments when organization may fail, to double plan, to double check. I sometimes fail to maintain my own personal organizational systems, but at least I can do it at work, thanks to the medicine. My greatest fear is forgetting something major, but this happens far less often with medicine.
    I can’t imagine someone with ADHD not feeling the positive effect of the medicine within hours. It’s not like people with Bipolar Disorder, where the benefit of their medicine is that nothing happens. Taking medicine for ADHD is probably the closest thing to a Magic Pill I’ve ever experienced. It may not solve everything, but it makes solving the other problems infinitely easier.

    But perhaps this difference in perception of medicine is more a representation of a difference between inattentive vs hyperactive types of ADHD.

  6. I am Neuro typical in a world of ADHD magnificence and madness.
    My husband and sons are all on the ADHD spectrum. They are my guides to patience and resilience. I am more spontaneous, have a better sense of humor and am more forgiving. I no longer see the world as black and white. Are there times where I feel sorry for myself. Sure, it’s not easy being the schedule keeper, time keeper, lost item finder, etc. I would not trade my journey. Medication has helped all three in school and at work. It is a personal choice. I take care of myself in the same way. Sleep, meditation, finding the fun, and asking for help. They are a gift to me and I love them dearly.

Leave a Reply